Beware the Ides of March

Today is March 15, the Ides of March.  When Shakespeare wrote, "Beware the Ides of March," he was giving a warning to Caesar.  When I think "Beware the Ides of March," I think about a warning of a different sort; this warning is about the perils of spending too much time thinking about the past.

You see, sometimes we have a tendency to re-live our failures and we criticize ourselves; we go over scenarios as what we should have done or said differently and how things would have turned out differently.  When we allow ourselves to dwell on past mistakes, we are not moving forward.  Fear and regret kill our dreams and stop us from trying something new.

And not all of our time thinking about the past is negative.  Sometimes we want to remember our peak experiences and our various successes.  Maybe we felt "on top of the world" or we felt we were invincible.  We love those feeling and enjoy replaying those scenarios over and over again.

The problem with both of these examples is that we don't live in the past and the more we focus on past victories or failures, the more effort it takes for us to achieve lift-off in the present.  We talk ourselves into playing safe, not taking any risks, and being comfortable.  We can become so comfortable with a certain state of mind that we try and create a future based on what we already know. 

Yet, there is something within us that wants to grow, expand, and become more than we were yesterday.  

We must dare to visualize and picture ourselves succeeding.  We must dare to dream it, to capture it, and then to soar. We cannot soar if we’re sitting in a chair; we cannot soar in front of the television watching soap operas, sports, or reality TV; we cannot soar while telling everyone about all the wonderful things we’re going to do in the future; we cannot soar by looking at a book about diets and then eating the same things we’ve always eaten; and we cannot soar by saying negative things about ourselves and what we believe we can’t do.

So, if there is a dream, a desire, or something you get excited about when you are talking to a friend, do it. Make a commitment to move forward step-by-step, even if you don't see all of the steps.  Do that thing which is deep within your heart and mind to do. It will not only be a blessing to you, but could be a blessing to the entire world.

Start now.  Get started in the next 72 hours.  Don’t wait.  The moment you’ve been waiting for is now.  The person you’ve been waiting for is you.  Take that step and be willing to soar into your infinite possibilities. 

A Matter of Principle

Have you ever been in a group and felt like you just didn't belong? Have you felt like you were a fraud or a phoney and if people knew you, they'd realize you weren't good enough? Have you ever felt like you really didn't matter?

Just because we believe something, doesn't mean it's true; it may simply be a habit of thinking. And if we have a habit of thinking we don't matter, we end up diluting our joy, our happiness, our ability to engage fully in life, and our conscious connection with the Divine.

 

Who are you?  Are you simply a collection of memories?  Are you someone's family member?  Are you what you do for a living?  How many different ways do we describe oursevles by using the words, "I am.....?"  For me, I've commonly described myself in the following ways: I am a minister, I am a coach, I am a mother, I am not good at meeting people for the first time, I am a great speaker and story-teller, I am too fat, I am smart, I am not always likeable - - and the list could go on and on.

 

The problem comes when we think we are what we think we are. In his book "The Untethered Soul," Michael Singer tells us we've only ever had one problem and that is the voice in our head.  We believe our voice when it tells us we are less than, we are not good enough, we've been abused, we've lied, we don't deserve love, we have to earn love, we shouldn't trust, and we must never let ourselves be hurt.  When we believe that and we think we are that - it is easy to feel like a fraud or a phoney and to think we don't matter.

 

However, that is never the Truth and it never will be the Truth.  It is just an idea (and a limiting idea at that!)  You are not the experience, you are the one who is experiencing; you are not your thoughts, you are the one doing the thinking.  There is a big differnce.  In the first case, when we think we are what we experience, we can feel powerless and victimized and simply hope for the best. But when we realize we have the choice to change our way of thinking, we can observe our situation(s) and not be defined by them.  This choice leads to freedom.

The Sufi mystic Rumi wrote, "You were born with potential. You were born with goodness and truth. You were born with ideals and dreams. You were born with greatness. You were born with wings. You're not meant for crawling, so don't. You have wings. Learn to use them and fly. Know this truth about you." It's time to change our habits of thinking and realize we are good enough and we do matter!

I Release and I Let Go

We're 19 days into 2013 and I sense change in the air. I do a ritual at the end of every year involving flash paper.  I write what I am willing to release and then see those ideas go up in flames.  This year, I decided to release two ideas which I felt would help make 2013 a distinctively better year than 2012:

1. Playing Small
2. The idea I need to have at least 2 days off per week in order to experience balance and happiness.  (you see, I work close to 7 days/week - 5 days at my J.O.B. and my evenings and weekends are spent preparing Sunday talks, updating my website(s) www.cplsedona.org and www.prosperitydr.com, writing, preparing class materials and lots of other things.  So, it seems like I'm always working.)
    

In the past, just because I turned the page in my calendar didn't necessarily equate to some sort of magic that propelled me forward.  Many of us simply hope 2013 will be much better than 2012, as if buying a new calendar and hanging it up on the wall is all we need to do.

 

If we want 2013 (or Monday or even today) to be better, happier, more joy-filled, or more prosperous we need to think and act differently.  We all know this.  I know this.  And this year, I'm taking different action than ever before. One of my actions is to constantly remember those two ideas I released with the flash paper.  I'm making a conscious choice to remember those daily and it has made a difference already. 

 

What idea(s) can you release which has hindered you from experiencing all Life has to offer? Let me give you a starting point.

If I asked you what one thing you needed right now in order to experience more joy or more happiness, what would it be? Do you think you need more money to be happier?  Do you think if you had more time you'd be happier?  Do you think if you had a relationship (or a better relationship) you'd be happier?  Do you think if you had a different job, you'd be happier? 

 

We have lots of ideas and opinions as to what we think is standing in our way of feeling happiness and joy.  The truth of the matter is the only thing standing in our way is our own thinking and believing.  Would you be willing to release the idea that anything is standing in your way?  Can you choose to be happy and joyful regardless of your circumstances?

 

If you are willing, then you can get about the business of creating the life you want and then 2013 will rock!

Pursue Our Dreams or Settle for Less - The Decision is Ours

I was having dinner with a friend this week and the conversation turned to the many ways we seem to “settle” in life.  I mentioned that I was a “master” settler and was the inspiration for starting Prosperity Doctor. 

Through many years of teaching classes and coaching, the pattern emerged where women (especially women) are more than willing to subordinate their goals and desires in order to accommodate and please their spouses and children (can you tell I used to sell real estate?)  I know I did.

When we are so willing to abandon our own goals and desires in favor of supporting someone else’s goals and desires, we may feel as if we are being polite, being a good wife and mother, or being a good friend.  We don’t want to appear selfish or self-serving.  And then one day we wake up and realize we were living someone else’s life.  Have you ever felt this way?

This got me to thinking....

It all begins with choice.  The choice to say “yes” when you want to say “no” seems like a small choice at the time.  We want to be nice; we want to be cheerful; we want to get along.  What’s the big deal?  And then we find it was easy to say “yes” and pretty soon we are saying “yes” to nearly everything even though our insides want us to say “no.”

This seemingly small choice is not really small at all.  Every choice we make has consequences.  Some consequences are immediate.  For example, we may choose to attend an activity with a friend instead of taking time for ourselves.  We think the only consequence is putting someone else first – and that’s not so bad, right?  However, what if the long-term consequence of that action leads to a poor self-image and feelings of not being worthy?

So, when we make a choice to settle for less, either in a job or in a relationship or in not following our dream, the long-term consequences to our soul can be devastating.  Many men and women find themselves in jobs or in relationships which are not working and are desperate to find ways to fix the problem.   This desperation is not borne out of love, but out of fear of being unemployed or un-loved or alone.  Chances are, they’ve settled for less than what they really wanted.

But, here’s the rub.  When we settle (no matter what reasons we’ve given ourselves) we know we are settling.  We know we’ve compromised on our values or our dreams or our goals.  We become secretly mad or disappointed with ourselves.  This sort of internal negativity will ultimately lead us to sabotage our joy.  Living with a sense of self-betrayal is painful and we may unconsciously punish ourselves.

Sometimes this pain may lead to negative behavior such as anger, alcohol abuse, food addiction, depression, or apathy.  And this leads to more self-betrayal which leads to more negativity and perhaps more settling.  How do we overcome these patterns and learn to choose in ways that won’t lead to such self-sabotage?  We simply need to learn to distinguish between 3 things:

1. Learn to distinguish between settling and choosing.  When we settle, we are relinquishing responsibility.  We justify our choice to settle because of fear or some external pressure to comply.  We say, “I had no choice.”   However, when we step up and realize we always have a choice (even if it is scary to admit or even make that choice) we feel empowered and are able to reclaim some of our value.  Before settling for something, take a moment to determine if you fear making a choice or fear the consequences of that choice – there’s a big difference.  Whatever the consequences, they are easier to live with than the underlying self-betrayal of settling.
2. Learn to distinguish between your wants and your needs.  Often our wants are driven by pleasure and the avoidance of pain and discomfort.  We take the easy way out and the easy way may not shift our life in significant or meaningful ways.  Taking the easy way may lead to settling and being inauthentic.  Our needs may lead us to discover the hero’s path beneath our feet.  We may want a pair of shoes, but we may need to begin a journey; we may want to grab a quick meal but we may need to feed our soul.  Discover your needs and you’ll discover what really matters in your life.
3. Learn to distinguish between your internal mind chatter and your own inner genius.  I often say, “If the voice you hear is coming from within your own mind, it is probably wrong!”  Most of us have unruly minds that focus on fear, worry, negativity, and all the ways things could go wrong and why we aren’t the right person at the right time or the right place.  We listen and we struggle and we settle.  We need to stop that madness by asking ourselves if those ideas are actually true or just stories.  Our own inner genius waits patiently for recognition; not making a fuss it often goes ignored.  Refuse to ignore it any longer and tune into that part of you that isn’t frightened.  Find your talents and your passion and listen to what they are saying.  We only need to take one step at a time and the journey to choosing begins with that simple step.

Anger Management

Everyone wants to experience joy, happiness, and peace. However, many only seem to be able to experience those positive emotions when something positive is happening in their lives. And since we are unable to control unpleasant things from happening, then we may think we are unable to control our anger, disappointment, annoyance, and judgment.

Many people today are worn-out, tired, frustrated, and living someone else's life. Many people today are boxed in by obligation, duty, and debt. The sheer joy and exhilaration of simply being has been lost - and this loss may lead to anger that we take with us wherever we go. It's time to dump that negative weight and it can be done.

The point isn't to eliminate all anger from our lives, but to learn from it and transmute it from being a problem to being a blessing. Transmute it from being harmful to being helpful in reminding us where we have forgotten our passion and purpose.

Your Powerful Action Plan (below) lists 3 tips to transmute anger into a powerful tool for breakthrough.

1. Become Aware: Always my first step, since without awareness, no changes occur. When do you have a tendency to get angry? When you feel de-valued, when you feel powerless, when you feel you aren't being accepted or heard?

2. Communicate (to self and others): Remind yourself anger is normal (abuse is not) and communicate your feelings without placing blame. These are your feelings based on your perceptions and may not be the truth.

3. Redirect (physically and/or mentally): Take a walk, drink some coffee or take yourself out of the situation if possible. Remind yourself of the Truth and what ideas need to be healed.

Let me know how it goes.

Subtle Robbers

Have you ever allowed someone's opinion of your talent to stop you from pursuing a dream? Have you ever allowed someone's opinion or judgment regarding the type of body you should have, the type of job you should have, the type of person you should marry, the type of car you should drive, or the amount of money you should make affect how you view yourself in each of these areas?

If your answer is "yes", then you've been robbed. If you've allowed your self-confidence, your self-worth, or your vision to be diminished, now is the time to reclaim your power. Instead of wishing things were different, or wishing you were wiser, or wishing you could make a new start, it is time to get over your history and make a decision.

Don't let false ideas, opinions, perceptions, or judgments (either your own or anyone else's) rob you of your peace, your focus, or your joy. Isn't it time you judged yourself as worthy and valuable? Isn't it time you judged yourself as successful and fulfilled? Isn't it time you judged yourself as delightful and wonderful just as you are? It is time to do that - and the time is now.

Step Into Circulation

Too often we are willing to settle. We make excuses as to why we don't need more, why we don't need better, why we don't need to live in our zone of brilliance, or why we don't need to sparkle. Our excuses sound reasonable and we continue to live in our comfort zone.

When our minds can't see a way through a problem, it is tempted not to act even on what we can see because we can't do all we desire to do. So we delay in doing anything at all. We never even take the first step. And if we don't take the first step, nothing will change for us. We need to circulate and find some way to keep yourself in circulation.

Here are some guidelines to give you a power boost and help you jumpstart the Law of Circulation in your life:

 

Giving:

• Attach no strings to your gifts. If strings are there, it isn't a gift at all. Give something freely.
• Give joyfully. Even if you are paying a bill, do so with joy. Giving with a grudge doesn't bless the giver or the receivier.

Receiving:

• Be open to receiving. You must not rob the giver in their joy in giving.
• Prepare yourself to receive by being receptive and appreciative.
• Be grateful for the little things to prepare for the big things.
• Be open to new people who bring you new ideas. Stay away from the phrase, "I already know that."

What if this simple idea, when put into action, is the key to busting loose from struggling and settling and beginning your life of possibilities? Isn't it worth a try?