Number One Enemy of Success

What if this doesn't work?

Have you ever had an idea that got you excited? Have you wanted to combine your passion with your talent and take it to the world in some way? Maybe you plan and research; maybe you talk to your friends; maybe you even come up with a really cool name. And then it happens. The question: What if it doesn’t work? Somehow we forget to ask, “What if it DOES work?”
 
And let’s be honest for a minute. What if it doesn’t work? So what? It’s not the end of the world. But our rabid self talk will let us think it is absolutely the end of the world. We would be hard-pressed to find anyone who started something that worked every time.

We’ve all started relationships and seen them fail. We’ve been gung ho about a hobby only to let it go after years (or sometimes less). We’ve started new jobs, new hobbies, and new ways of eating. And sometimes we’ve stopped.
 
Did we stop because it didn’t work or because we didn’t have confidence? Did we stop because it didn’t work or because we lost interest? Did we stop because it didn’t work or because we found something else we liked better?
 
We get afraid when all we focus on is the outcome.
 
We get stuck in either/or thinking. Either I’m a millionaire or I’m not successful. Either I have a thriving business or I’m not successful. Either I’m a best-selling author or I’m not successful. Either I lose all the weight I need to or I’m not successful. Feel free to replace ‘I’m not successful’ with ‘I’m a failure’ or ‘I’m a loser’ (or your own personal favorite).

"You're not worthwhile because you have fulfilled your dreams. You're worthwhile because you exist. You're not enough because you have a good job. You're enough even if you haven't worked in thirteen years. You're not enough because you are loved by many people. You're enough even if nobody knows your name. You're not enough because your financial portfolio is enviable. You're enough even if you're dead broke. And becoming more successful doesn't make you enough, either. It only changes your experience. It doesn't change you." ~ Dr. David Walker

I’m good at starting things. 

I’ve started two churches, a Brownie Girl Scout Troop, three LLC businesses, a C-Corporation, a coaching business, and a real estate investing business. And I’ve fallen prey to the either/or mentality. Either these businesses and ideas succeeded or there was something wrong with me.
When I focused only on the outcome, all I saw were my flaws. I only saw all the ways I wasn’t good enough. I saw the ways my ideas failed to take hold. I saw all of my time and energy wasted on pipe dreams.

I never saw that I was a visionary. I never saw my confidence, strength, or courage. 

Where do you need help spotting your gifts, strengths, and courage?
                                                           
CALL TO ACTION: In the next 24 – 48 hours

• Keep a journal of small actions (yes, small) you can take daily and track when completed.
• Example 1: “Today, I’m going to listen to a TED Talk that inspires me.” When you complete it, come back to your journal, and write “Success.”
• Example 2: “Today, I’m going to compliment three people” and when you complete it, come back to your journal, and write, “Success.”
• For extra credit, list the activities in your journal that you started but didn’t turn out so well that you might still be telling negative stories about. Behind each of these, list what awesome quality was needed for you to even begin (confidence, courage, faith, compassion, trust, vision, etc.)

 
When you review your journal, all you see are the various ways that you are a success.
 
It’s time to say ‘yes’ to the success that you are.
 
Would you like to get crystal clear on what you want to embrace in your life and describe the kind of lifestyle you want to create? Would you like support in discovering how you can use your special gifts and talents to make a difference? Would you like to uncover hidden challenges that may be sabotaging you? Let’s have a Breakthrough session and we'll finish the call with you feeling renewed, re-energized, and inspired to start your Best Life EVER!

About Janet
Janet Kingsley helps people believe in their own potential and transform their dreams into fulfilling, inspired, and prosperous realities.

Janet also works with business owners and helps them make a bigger impact by reconnecting with their vision and passion and double, triple, or 10X their business without selling their soul or losing their mind.

To schedule a complimentary visit her website at: www.janetkingsley.com

Pursue Our Dreams or Settle for Less - The Decision is Ours

I was having dinner with a friend this week and the conversation turned to the many ways we seem to “settle” in life.  I mentioned that I was a “master” settler and was the inspiration for starting Prosperity Doctor. 

Through many years of teaching classes and coaching, the pattern emerged where women (especially women) are more than willing to subordinate their goals and desires in order to accommodate and please their spouses and children (can you tell I used to sell real estate?)  I know I did.

When we are so willing to abandon our own goals and desires in favor of supporting someone else’s goals and desires, we may feel as if we are being polite, being a good wife and mother, or being a good friend.  We don’t want to appear selfish or self-serving.  And then one day we wake up and realize we were living someone else’s life.  Have you ever felt this way?

This got me to thinking....

It all begins with choice.  The choice to say “yes” when you want to say “no” seems like a small choice at the time.  We want to be nice; we want to be cheerful; we want to get along.  What’s the big deal?  And then we find it was easy to say “yes” and pretty soon we are saying “yes” to nearly everything even though our insides want us to say “no.”

This seemingly small choice is not really small at all.  Every choice we make has consequences.  Some consequences are immediate.  For example, we may choose to attend an activity with a friend instead of taking time for ourselves.  We think the only consequence is putting someone else first – and that’s not so bad, right?  However, what if the long-term consequence of that action leads to a poor self-image and feelings of not being worthy?

So, when we make a choice to settle for less, either in a job or in a relationship or in not following our dream, the long-term consequences to our soul can be devastating.  Many men and women find themselves in jobs or in relationships which are not working and are desperate to find ways to fix the problem.   This desperation is not borne out of love, but out of fear of being unemployed or un-loved or alone.  Chances are, they’ve settled for less than what they really wanted.

But, here’s the rub.  When we settle (no matter what reasons we’ve given ourselves) we know we are settling.  We know we’ve compromised on our values or our dreams or our goals.  We become secretly mad or disappointed with ourselves.  This sort of internal negativity will ultimately lead us to sabotage our joy.  Living with a sense of self-betrayal is painful and we may unconsciously punish ourselves.

Sometimes this pain may lead to negative behavior such as anger, alcohol abuse, food addiction, depression, or apathy.  And this leads to more self-betrayal which leads to more negativity and perhaps more settling.  How do we overcome these patterns and learn to choose in ways that won’t lead to such self-sabotage?  We simply need to learn to distinguish between 3 things:

1. Learn to distinguish between settling and choosing.  When we settle, we are relinquishing responsibility.  We justify our choice to settle because of fear or some external pressure to comply.  We say, “I had no choice.”   However, when we step up and realize we always have a choice (even if it is scary to admit or even make that choice) we feel empowered and are able to reclaim some of our value.  Before settling for something, take a moment to determine if you fear making a choice or fear the consequences of that choice – there’s a big difference.  Whatever the consequences, they are easier to live with than the underlying self-betrayal of settling.
2. Learn to distinguish between your wants and your needs.  Often our wants are driven by pleasure and the avoidance of pain and discomfort.  We take the easy way out and the easy way may not shift our life in significant or meaningful ways.  Taking the easy way may lead to settling and being inauthentic.  Our needs may lead us to discover the hero’s path beneath our feet.  We may want a pair of shoes, but we may need to begin a journey; we may want to grab a quick meal but we may need to feed our soul.  Discover your needs and you’ll discover what really matters in your life.
3. Learn to distinguish between your internal mind chatter and your own inner genius.  I often say, “If the voice you hear is coming from within your own mind, it is probably wrong!”  Most of us have unruly minds that focus on fear, worry, negativity, and all the ways things could go wrong and why we aren’t the right person at the right time or the right place.  We listen and we struggle and we settle.  We need to stop that madness by asking ourselves if those ideas are actually true or just stories.  Our own inner genius waits patiently for recognition; not making a fuss it often goes ignored.  Refuse to ignore it any longer and tune into that part of you that isn’t frightened.  Find your talents and your passion and listen to what they are saying.  We only need to take one step at a time and the journey to choosing begins with that simple step.

Cultivating Your Internal Coach

You've heard over and over again - you need to make a change if you want to experience a change of any kind. We all have a lot of practice listening to the negative internal mind chatter. This chatter is never about brilliance or glory; it is about playing it safe and staying in your comfort zone.

Your Monkey Mind might say that you are average. It convinces you not to take a risk. It causes you to doubt your dreams and your abilities. And you listen. And you believe. And you begin to feel average. And you feel like you are nothing special.

You need to cultivate a voice that counters that negative internal mind chatter. You need to listen to the coach inside that reminds you to look up. And here is what the coach inside will tell you.

• Stamp a mental picture on your mind of you succeeding.
• Whenever a negative thought comes into your mind concerning your own personal power, deliberately voice a positive thought to cancel it out.
• Do not be awestruck by other people - comparing yourself with another minimizes the awesomeness of who you are.
• Make an estimate of your own abilities, then raise it by 25% - you are your own worst critic and forget the power of God is within.
• Get a good friend, a coach, or a mentor who will hold you as powerful and courageous and help you keep your vision ABOVE the bar.

AMAZING ACTION PLAN: For the next 24 hours, speak only in positive terms about everything in your life. Speak positively about your job, your health, your relationships, your marriage, and your future. Go out of your way to speak optimistically about everything. The negative and pessimistic way doesn't work-it NEVER did.

After 24 hours, see if you can do this for an entire week. See if you can make a new habit and change to a positive interior. Let me know how it goes.

Over the Wall

What do you want to do? What do you want to become? It doesn’t matter how many times you’ve failed, how many times you haven’t succeeded, how many times you’ve been sick, or how many times you’ve met with impenetrable walls of your own limitation. With God’s power working through you, you can either climb over that wall or simply walk around it. New ideas constantly held and felt can help you over the wall. Faith in the Infinite Power for Good that is everywhere present can help you over the wall.

Wayne Dyer wrote, “Regardless of the circumstances of your life, you are the writer, director, and producer of your mental images. You will always act out those pictures. Your circumstances do not determine what your life will be; they reveal what kind of images you have chosen up until now. From the quality of your physical appearance, to your level of nutritional health, to the state of your financial holdings, to the quality of your relationships and everything else that requires an action by you, you are acting on images. Your mind stores away all of the images that you elect, and you daily carry out the assignment of those thoughts.”

If you want to be a deliberate creator, you need to first look to your thoughts, because your thoughts create your emotions, which sets up the energy you are expending and the circumstances you are attracting. Choose new thoughts today and put that wall of doubt, fear, and limitation behind you.