Let me back track a bit. January, 2011. Something came over me. Now, I'm not one to make New Year's resolutions, but I had a physical nagging within me that this year would NOT be business as usual. I thought this "spiritual boot camp" was scheduled for January and I was raring to go. I had even read the first chapter of the book and gotten my word, which was POWER!
However, class was postponed until March, and I wasn't as enthusiastic in March as I was in January, but I enrolled anyway. I know I needed some external prodding to awaken something new in me; I needed some connection with others who are interested in doing the work and living the results. In March, I changed my word to PRESENCE since I was a little more calm and wanted to experience the presence and didn't quite feel my power as much.
So, 14 weeks later, I'd have to assess myself as only being mediocre in my commitment to "not doing business as usual." And, I'm living mediocre results. Duh! Of course this brings out my patterns of self-criticism - and we are in "no judgment week" currently. I'm not judging, really - - I'm just observing (how often have I heard that?)! We have such a variety of ways we can fool ourselves; yet are we ever really fooling ourselves? I think not.
Nearing the end of 16 weeks, I see my word actually should have stayed POWER. I think I'm afraid of owning my power. I'm afraid of being too confident. I'm afraid of living to my potential. Instead, I seem to be "flirting with life" and not engaging fully. That looks like business as usual to me. However, this idea, won't let go - and 2011 is not quite halfway over, so there is still time.
Prior to "spiritual boot camp" last Thursday, I was in my own meditative state and I was overtaken by a poem. It is a love poem from God and I'm calling it Beyond This Moment.
Between my words, you came to me.
Like a blast of heat
from the furnace of fire.
Overtaking me.
beyond words
beyond feelings.
Just an overwhelming urge -
A desire to merge
To shine
To be
To exist
