Pursue Our Dreams or Settle for Less - The Decision is Ours

I was having dinner with a friend this week and the conversation turned to the many ways we seem to “settle” in life.  I mentioned that I was a “master” settler and was the inspiration for starting Prosperity Doctor. 

Through many years of teaching classes and coaching, the pattern emerged where women (especially women) are more than willing to subordinate their goals and desires in order to accommodate and please their spouses and children (can you tell I used to sell real estate?)  I know I did.

When we are so willing to abandon our own goals and desires in favor of supporting someone else’s goals and desires, we may feel as if we are being polite, being a good wife and mother, or being a good friend.  We don’t want to appear selfish or self-serving.  And then one day we wake up and realize we were living someone else’s life.  Have you ever felt this way?

This got me to thinking....

It all begins with choice.  The choice to say “yes” when you want to say “no” seems like a small choice at the time.  We want to be nice; we want to be cheerful; we want to get along.  What’s the big deal?  And then we find it was easy to say “yes” and pretty soon we are saying “yes” to nearly everything even though our insides want us to say “no.”

This seemingly small choice is not really small at all.  Every choice we make has consequences.  Some consequences are immediate.  For example, we may choose to attend an activity with a friend instead of taking time for ourselves.  We think the only consequence is putting someone else first – and that’s not so bad, right?  However, what if the long-term consequence of that action leads to a poor self-image and feelings of not being worthy?

So, when we make a choice to settle for less, either in a job or in a relationship or in not following our dream, the long-term consequences to our soul can be devastating.  Many men and women find themselves in jobs or in relationships which are not working and are desperate to find ways to fix the problem.   This desperation is not borne out of love, but out of fear of being unemployed or un-loved or alone.  Chances are, they’ve settled for less than what they really wanted.

But, here’s the rub.  When we settle (no matter what reasons we’ve given ourselves) we know we are settling.  We know we’ve compromised on our values or our dreams or our goals.  We become secretly mad or disappointed with ourselves.  This sort of internal negativity will ultimately lead us to sabotage our joy.  Living with a sense of self-betrayal is painful and we may unconsciously punish ourselves.

Sometimes this pain may lead to negative behavior such as anger, alcohol abuse, food addiction, depression, or apathy.  And this leads to more self-betrayal which leads to more negativity and perhaps more settling.  How do we overcome these patterns and learn to choose in ways that won’t lead to such self-sabotage?  We simply need to learn to distinguish between 3 things:

1. Learn to distinguish between settling and choosing.  When we settle, we are relinquishing responsibility.  We justify our choice to settle because of fear or some external pressure to comply.  We say, “I had no choice.”   However, when we step up and realize we always have a choice (even if it is scary to admit or even make that choice) we feel empowered and are able to reclaim some of our value.  Before settling for something, take a moment to determine if you fear making a choice or fear the consequences of that choice – there’s a big difference.  Whatever the consequences, they are easier to live with than the underlying self-betrayal of settling.
2. Learn to distinguish between your wants and your needs.  Often our wants are driven by pleasure and the avoidance of pain and discomfort.  We take the easy way out and the easy way may not shift our life in significant or meaningful ways.  Taking the easy way may lead to settling and being inauthentic.  Our needs may lead us to discover the hero’s path beneath our feet.  We may want a pair of shoes, but we may need to begin a journey; we may want to grab a quick meal but we may need to feed our soul.  Discover your needs and you’ll discover what really matters in your life.
3. Learn to distinguish between your internal mind chatter and your own inner genius.  I often say, “If the voice you hear is coming from within your own mind, it is probably wrong!”  Most of us have unruly minds that focus on fear, worry, negativity, and all the ways things could go wrong and why we aren’t the right person at the right time or the right place.  We listen and we struggle and we settle.  We need to stop that madness by asking ourselves if those ideas are actually true or just stories.  Our own inner genius waits patiently for recognition; not making a fuss it often goes ignored.  Refuse to ignore it any longer and tune into that part of you that isn’t frightened.  Find your talents and your passion and listen to what they are saying.  We only need to take one step at a time and the journey to choosing begins with that simple step.

Anger Management

Everyone wants to experience joy, happiness, and peace. However, many only seem to be able to experience those positive emotions when something positive is happening in their lives. And since we are unable to control unpleasant things from happening, then we may think we are unable to control our anger, disappointment, annoyance, and judgment.

Many people today are worn-out, tired, frustrated, and living someone else's life. Many people today are boxed in by obligation, duty, and debt. The sheer joy and exhilaration of simply being has been lost - and this loss may lead to anger that we take with us wherever we go. It's time to dump that negative weight and it can be done.

The point isn't to eliminate all anger from our lives, but to learn from it and transmute it from being a problem to being a blessing. Transmute it from being harmful to being helpful in reminding us where we have forgotten our passion and purpose.

Your Powerful Action Plan (below) lists 3 tips to transmute anger into a powerful tool for breakthrough.

1. Become Aware: Always my first step, since without awareness, no changes occur. When do you have a tendency to get angry? When you feel de-valued, when you feel powerless, when you feel you aren't being accepted or heard?

2. Communicate (to self and others): Remind yourself anger is normal (abuse is not) and communicate your feelings without placing blame. These are your feelings based on your perceptions and may not be the truth.

3. Redirect (physically and/or mentally): Take a walk, drink some coffee or take yourself out of the situation if possible. Remind yourself of the Truth and what ideas need to be healed.

Let me know how it goes.

Subtle Robbers

Have you ever allowed someone's opinion of your talent to stop you from pursuing a dream? Have you ever allowed someone's opinion or judgment regarding the type of body you should have, the type of job you should have, the type of person you should marry, the type of car you should drive, or the amount of money you should make affect how you view yourself in each of these areas?

If your answer is "yes", then you've been robbed. If you've allowed your self-confidence, your self-worth, or your vision to be diminished, now is the time to reclaim your power. Instead of wishing things were different, or wishing you were wiser, or wishing you could make a new start, it is time to get over your history and make a decision.

Don't let false ideas, opinions, perceptions, or judgments (either your own or anyone else's) rob you of your peace, your focus, or your joy. Isn't it time you judged yourself as worthy and valuable? Isn't it time you judged yourself as successful and fulfilled? Isn't it time you judged yourself as delightful and wonderful just as you are? It is time to do that - and the time is now.

Step Into Circulation

Too often we are willing to settle. We make excuses as to why we don't need more, why we don't need better, why we don't need to live in our zone of brilliance, or why we don't need to sparkle. Our excuses sound reasonable and we continue to live in our comfort zone.

When our minds can't see a way through a problem, it is tempted not to act even on what we can see because we can't do all we desire to do. So we delay in doing anything at all. We never even take the first step. And if we don't take the first step, nothing will change for us. We need to circulate and find some way to keep yourself in circulation.

Here are some guidelines to give you a power boost and help you jumpstart the Law of Circulation in your life:

 

Giving:

• Attach no strings to your gifts. If strings are there, it isn't a gift at all. Give something freely.
• Give joyfully. Even if you are paying a bill, do so with joy. Giving with a grudge doesn't bless the giver or the receivier.

Receiving:

• Be open to receiving. You must not rob the giver in their joy in giving.
• Prepare yourself to receive by being receptive and appreciative.
• Be grateful for the little things to prepare for the big things.
• Be open to new people who bring you new ideas. Stay away from the phrase, "I already know that."

What if this simple idea, when put into action, is the key to busting loose from struggling and settling and beginning your life of possibilities? Isn't it worth a try?

Cultivating Your Internal Coach

You've heard over and over again - you need to make a change if you want to experience a change of any kind. We all have a lot of practice listening to the negative internal mind chatter. This chatter is never about brilliance or glory; it is about playing it safe and staying in your comfort zone.

Your Monkey Mind might say that you are average. It convinces you not to take a risk. It causes you to doubt your dreams and your abilities. And you listen. And you believe. And you begin to feel average. And you feel like you are nothing special.

You need to cultivate a voice that counters that negative internal mind chatter. You need to listen to the coach inside that reminds you to look up. And here is what the coach inside will tell you.

• Stamp a mental picture on your mind of you succeeding.
• Whenever a negative thought comes into your mind concerning your own personal power, deliberately voice a positive thought to cancel it out.
• Do not be awestruck by other people - comparing yourself with another minimizes the awesomeness of who you are.
• Make an estimate of your own abilities, then raise it by 25% - you are your own worst critic and forget the power of God is within.
• Get a good friend, a coach, or a mentor who will hold you as powerful and courageous and help you keep your vision ABOVE the bar.

AMAZING ACTION PLAN: For the next 24 hours, speak only in positive terms about everything in your life. Speak positively about your job, your health, your relationships, your marriage, and your future. Go out of your way to speak optimistically about everything. The negative and pessimistic way doesn't work-it NEVER did.

After 24 hours, see if you can do this for an entire week. See if you can make a new habit and change to a positive interior. Let me know how it goes.

Traveling the Dream Highway

In the book, Ask and It Is Given, Jerry and Esther Hicks give a wonderful metaphor for how some of us relate to spiritual Principle, which I'm going to paraphrase. When you get in your car and head towards your destination, you know your starting place as well as your ending place. You accept the fact you can't get there instantaneously and allow yourself the time it takes to drive there, knowing that you will ultimately arrive at your destination.

You may feel excitement or even become impatient to get there, however, you don't get so discouraged that you turn around and head home halfway there. And you don't get so afraid that you drive in circles between your starting point and the halfway point until you are so tired and frustrated that you collapse. Nor do you announce to the world your inability to accomplish your journey. You simply accept the distance between your starting place and your destination and you continue to move forward. You understand what is required and you do it.

Yet, when it comes to our lives, we often do those things that seem so silly in the travel metaphor. We have a dream or desire and if the journey takes awhile, we start to get impatient or fearful and head backwards. And we can be very vocal about our inadequacy and our inability to get to our destination and perhaps even blame our history. When we do this, we are not operating in alignment with spiritual Principle.

Even if you are traveling slower than you want, at least you are traveling forward. Celebrate that and move into your own perfect possibilities in a powerful way.

What Are You Passing On?

I was reading an email this week from a woman named Pamela Bruner who does EFT Tapping (Pamela's Website). She flew into Orlando and after she got off the plane and boarded the shuttle to the terminal, a woman sat down next to her and began to cry. Pamela asked if she needed some help and the woman replied, "My son's come back from Afghanistan for a visit, but I can't go see him! He's in California, and I couldn't get on the plane."

After more conversation, Pamela had uncovered that the woman next to her was afraid to fly so she couldn't get on ANY plane. Pamela explained she had helped lots of people with phobias and may be able to help her so she could get on a plane and see her son. After a few more minutes of conversation, the woman said something that shocked Pamela; she said, "Thank you, but I think I'll pass."

The answer to her prayers was there; it was within reach. The transformation she needed was right in front of her, and yet she said no. How many times do we say 'no?' What's stopping you from your dreams? What will it take to say "yes" to creating your amazing life? What will it take for you to say "yes" to living a life of power, passion, prosperity, and purpose?

There are people all around us who can help us to emerge from fear, worry, doubt, and unhappiness; we need to be open. Maybe the next time someone offers to help or support you, accept the offer and don't pass it up.

Spread Love

We aren't meant to hide out and play it safe in our cocoon of complacency, we are meant to live fully with passion and enthusiasm. We are mighty and magnificent spiritual beings and we must reach beyond our self-imposed limitations, believe in ourselves, and allow ourselves to be a blessing to the people in our world.

Mother Teresa said, "Spread love everywhere you go. First of all, in your own house, give love to your children, yourspouse, and your next door neighbor. Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God's kindness-kindness in your eyes, your face, your smile, and your warm greeting."

It is our relationship with the Divine Presence that shows up as love and underscores our relationship with ourselves and with others. When we allow our true essence, which is Love, to shine through then we bring light and warmth to every interaction. In this way we can make a major difference in the lives of others and in our world.

Over the Wall

What do you want to do? What do you want to become? It doesn’t matter how many times you’ve failed, how many times you haven’t succeeded, how many times you’ve been sick, or how many times you’ve met with impenetrable walls of your own limitation. With God’s power working through you, you can either climb over that wall or simply walk around it. New ideas constantly held and felt can help you over the wall. Faith in the Infinite Power for Good that is everywhere present can help you over the wall.

Wayne Dyer wrote, “Regardless of the circumstances of your life, you are the writer, director, and producer of your mental images. You will always act out those pictures. Your circumstances do not determine what your life will be; they reveal what kind of images you have chosen up until now. From the quality of your physical appearance, to your level of nutritional health, to the state of your financial holdings, to the quality of your relationships and everything else that requires an action by you, you are acting on images. Your mind stores away all of the images that you elect, and you daily carry out the assignment of those thoughts.”

If you want to be a deliberate creator, you need to first look to your thoughts, because your thoughts create your emotions, which sets up the energy you are expending and the circumstances you are attracting. Choose new thoughts today and put that wall of doubt, fear, and limitation behind you.