Leaning into our Mistakes

Does how we approach our mistakes or failures determine our future success?

Sometimes when we’ve failed at something or made a mistake, we’d like a ‘do-over’ and make some corrections and start again. Other times, we don’t even want to acknowledge our mistake; maybe because it brings up shame or guilt. In those cases, we either try to blame someone else or we try and avoid thinking about it or even pretend it never happened.

When we [mistakenly] believe that mistakes and failures are shameful and need to be avoided at all costs, we aren’t open to learning from them. Instead, we are likely to confuse ‘making a mistake’ with ‘being a mistake.’  

"Failure does not mean the loss of something. Failure occurs only if the loss of that thing takes our enthusiasm, our courage, our zest for life, our faith, our conviction, and our happiness from us." ~Ernest Holmes

We must not let any past mistakes or failures stop us from pursuing our goals and dreams!

Is our self-confidence and belief in ourselves so delicate that it shatters in the

face of having made a mistake? Mistakes are the primary opportunity to learn and grow. There is probably no invention that was perfect the first time.

If we are learning to play baseball, do we expect to hit a ‘home run’ the first time at bat? And if we strike out, do we run into the dugout and refuse to pick up the bat again? Of course not. But we expect to be perfect in business and in our lives.

It’s time re-think our ideas about what a mistake is. The word itself spells it out: it is a mis-take. Just do ‘take 2’ and ‘take 3’ and ‘take 4’ – like in the movies. Assess what went well and what small adjustment needs to be made. Any mistakes or failures have no bearing on who we are or what our value is.

The fact that we are making mistakes is proof that we are making progress and moving forward.

I have spoken to a number of clients who have tried something once. labeled the results as a failure, and refused to try anything similar again. On top of that, many blamed and criticized themselves and were convinced their ideas and choices in the future couldn't be trusted. Their self-confidence was shattered, their dreams seemed unattainable, and their momentum came to a standstill. All because of one failure. And according to the quote from Ernest Holmes above, that standstill is the failure; not the failure itself.
 

In what areas are you afraid to move forward and try again? What mistakes have you made in the past that you are still holding yourself hostage for?

• Your children are in jail or are addicts
• You filed for bankruptcy
• Your house went into foreclosure
• You broke your promise
• The business you started failed
• You got fired from your job

Instead of hiding and feeling ashamed, guilty, resentful, or frustrated, use these mistakes as fuel for self-understanding and reflection. Learn from them. Make tweaks and try again.

If you’d like help in tweaking some of your ideas that didn’t work out in the past or to express your big desires and moving into your own genius, click here for a free Breakthough Session

CALL TO ACTION: In the next 24 – 48 hours (Reflect or journal)

• Think about a mistake (or two) you made in the past and ask yourself these questions:
• Did I have the right goal? Was I trying to solve the right problem?
• Do I have new information now that would have been useful or helpful then?
• What would I do differently this time?
• Was I acting out of a need to please someone else?
• Can I accept responsibility and move on?
• What did I learn about myself?

It’s time to say ‘yes’ to you!

Would you like to get crystal clear on what you want to embrace in your life and describe the kind of lifestyle you want to create? Would you like support in discovering how you can use your special gifts and talents to make a difference? Would you like to uncover hidden challenges that may be sabotaging you? Let’s have a Breakthrough session and we'll finish the call with you feeling renewed, re-energized, and inspired to start your Best Life EVER!

Schedule a complimentary Breakthrough Session

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I'm excited to hear the dream in your heart! Let's talk!

Until next time

Have some fun, stay aware, and rock on!

Janet Kingsley

About Janet
Janet Kingsley helps people believe in their own potential and transform their dreams into fulfilling, inspired, and prosperous realities.

She serves business owners and helps them make a bigger impact by reconnecting with their vision and passion and double, triple, or 10X their business without selling their soul or losing their mind.

New Year - New You? Or Same Old, Same Old?

I like to have personal themes each year and for 2016, my theme is Loving Life, Loving Myself, and Loving God in a Glorious Way. And in order to do that differently or in a greater way than before, I need to not only DO things differently, I need to BE different, right? Now, of course I don't need to wait for a new year right? I can do things differently and be different and think a different thought any moment of any day, because I know that every moment is a chance to begin again. Every moment has untapped potential.

What ideas or old beliefs are you ready to release? What can you do this year to do things differently or show up differently so that you can create a life you love to live? How will you reflect this year? Abundance or lack? Health and vitality or disease? Feeling and processing or spiritual bypassing? Being bold or playing safe? Are you ready to make 2016 a turning point in your life?

Take some time and think about 2015 and what went well. What did you learn about yourself? What do you want to create more of? What are you committed to releasing? In what ways did you follow your bliss and contribute to the world? Where did you feel out of alignment or out of the flow? What did you learn from those moments? What experiences do you want to create this year? And who must you become in order to do it?

Make a decision and allow Life to amaze and inspire you.

Wisdom from Ernest Holmes

The reflection of an image in a mirror is an exact likeness of the image which is held before the mirror. So the Law of Cause and Effect reflects back to us a likeness of the images of our thought. Thus we are told that we reflect the glory of God. But too often we reflect the fear and limitation of man rather than the glory of God.

                                           ~Pray and Prosper

About Janet

Janet Kingsley, founder and spiritual leader of Center for Positive Living Sedona has been opening hearts and minds to infinite possibilities since 1998. Through articles, classes, and coaching she opens the heart, intrigues the mind, and feeds the spirit.

Janet is also a "Possibility Coach" who can see beyond your doubts and fears and ask the right questions so you can dive deep into your soul. She is also a master energy healer. Focusing on helping people love their body, love themselves, and love their life, she is creating a movement and changing the world...one person at a time.

Find out more at www.janetkingsley.com

The Bridge That Gets You There

We've all heard the phrase, "you can't get there from here" and sometimes it seems as if our 'there' is really, really far away and we don't know how to get 'there.' Of course, spiritually speaking, there is no here or there, everything is One. However, in our human experience, we can feel the longing or the discomfort  between where we are and where we want to go; between where we are and how we want to live life fully and on purpose.

We can get there from here if we are willing to bridge the gap between where we are and where we want to be. And when we build that bridge, it can feel like it is a suspension bridge that is poorly built, wobbly, and really scary. So we tend to retreat back to what feels safe and comfortable. 

Although I am afraid of heights, my daughter and I both crossed the Capilano suspension bridge (pictured) and I was scared. Really scared. It was wobbly and a drop of 230 feet. I was completely in the present moment, focusing on my very next step with the end clearly in mind.

Safe and comfortable is the not the way to our brilliance. Safe and comfortable lands us firmly in mediocrity. Safe and comfortable is easy (and dare I say boring??). One of the best things we can do for ourselves is push our upper limits and let go of our limiting ideas that we are flawed, or we aren't worthy, or we aren't good enough, or we aren't lovable (you get the idea). And who knows, you might find wobbly exciting! Let me know how it goes.

Take one step at a time, keep your focus on the end result, and trust your inner wisdom that you are crossing the bridge that leads you back to yourself.

Wisdom from Ernest Holmes

Here we may meet difficulties, uncertainties and doubts, barriers walling our passage. But we must not be discouraged when so confronted. We must climb over the rocks of unbelief, pass around the barriers of doubt, and plunge into the stream with faith. The stream will ever widen; the barriers will gradually disappear; though we walk through the plains and valleys of indecision and doubt, the stream will still carry us back to the ocean of our being.

      ~ A Holmes Reader on Meaning

About Janet

Janet Kingsley, founder and spiritual leader of Center for Positive Living Sedona has been opening hearts and minds to infinite possibilities since 1998. Through articles, classes, and coaching she opens the heart, intrigues the mind, and feeds the spirit.

Janet is also a "Possibility Coach" and master energy healer. Focusing on helping people love their body, love themselves, and love their life, she is creating a movement and changing the world...one person at a time.

Find out more at www.janetkingsley.com

Unexpected Obstacles

We all want smooth roads and smooth sailings, don't we? We all want a life free of struggle, drama, fear, anxiety, and strife. And yet, smooth roads don't create good drivers and calm seas don't develop good sailors. And a problem-free and hassle-free life may not grow our faith or make us strong. In fact, we are likely to encounter unexpected obstacles on our path and it is how we approach these obstacles that will allow us to create our lives from a sense of wonder and infinite possibilities or stop us in our tracks and set us up with infinite excuses. We get to choose.

When we can remember that "All is Well" no matter what obstacle we may encounter, our minds are free to rise up a new level of consciousness from which to look for a solution. You see, when we can be 'well' within ourselves, we can be well with the world. But when we are not 'well' with ourselves - when we think there is something wrong with us, that we are less than, that we don't get the breaks, that we don't have value or worth, that we are a phony, that we are flawed or damaged in some way, then these unexpected obstacles become important. 

And regardless of what shows up for us in life that looks dim, grim, and dark, we can still be well within ourselves and remember our passion and our purpose and not get tricked into thinking that anything in the outer world can affect what we think of ourselves. We are a majority of ONE. We are God in action, expressing Life and Love and Passion and Purpose and Exuberance and Awesomeness like no one else on planet Earth. And there are no unexpected obstacles that can deny that Truth. 

Sometimes the way through, is over or under or even around the obstacle. And we can enjoy the scenery along the way. Right?

Choose Your Own Dreams

Many people live their lives letting others make choices for them and then they wonder why they are dissatisfied in life. They may live their whole lives doing something that someone else wanted them to do (and continue to do it) and continuing to do it, even though the person that they wanted to please may have passed away years ago.

When I was growing up, I don't remember my dad asking me what I wanted to be when I grew up. But I do remember him telling me over and over again what he'd like me to be. It started small: he loved planes and flying so he sent me to Civil Air Patrol, signed me up for ground school and dragged me to the model airport field. That was his dream, and I allowed it to become my dream.  He loved riding bicycles so he took me every week to the Encino Velodrome to watch bicycle racers and we rode our bicycles each Sunday to the park to feed the ducks. That was his dream and I allowed it to be my dream. He loved debating and arguing so he told me over and over again to be a lawyer. That was his dream and I allowed it to be my dream.

And when I didn't become a pilot, a cyclist, or a lawyer, I had feelings that I was a disappointment to him. I pushed myself through college in a major that wasn't my dream long, long after my dad passed away, still allowing his dream to be my dream. And then I repeated that same pattern with my husband. Then one day I realized I was living someone else's life.

How might you be living someone else's dream? How have you set goals and desires based on what someone else wants for you? We all want to make a difference, live fulfilling, prosperous, and joyous lives and we can only do that when we are living our life and making our own choices. We need a clear picture of what we want to experience and how we want to feel. Our future is too important to allow others to choose for us. Let's choose our own dreams and goals and live a life we love.

 Saying "yes" to your own dream moves you into a whole new world of possibilities.

Wisdom from Ernest Holmes

In the Science of Mind, we learn that persistent, constructive thought is the greatest power known and the most effective.  If the visible effect in our lives is not what it should be, if we are unhappy, sick and poverty stricken, we know the remedy.  The Truth is always the remedy, and the Truth is that the law of liberty is the only real law.  When we reverse the process of thought, the effect will be reversed.

      ~ The Science of Mind

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Patching a Leak With Joy

In 1937 architect Frank Lloyd Wright built a house for industrialist Hibbard Johnson. One rainy evening Johnson was entertaining distinguished guests for dinner when the roof began to leak.  The water seeped through directly above Johnson himself, dripping steadily onto his bald head. Irate, he called Wright in Phoenix, Arizona. 

“Frank,” he said, “you built this beautiful house for me and we enjoy it very much. But … the roof leaks, and right now I am with some friends and distinguished guests and it is leaking right on top of my head.” 

There was a pause on the line, and Frank Lloyd Wright reportedly replied: “Well, Hib, why don’t you move your chair?”

If we have no joy in our lives, we have a problem.  The world looks bleak, we find reasons to complain, our energy is low, and we feel separate and apart from our good and our God.  We have a leak somewhere and we need to find a way to deal with it.  

Sometimes we like to point out that we have good reasons not to be joyful; our lives are nothing but problems. We aren't satisfied with our jobs, we don't have enough money, we are lonely, our health isn't good, our car is constantly in the shop for repairs, we haven't had a vacation in years (and on and on it may go.)  

It may be difficult to be joyful when we are struggling with troubles, or overwhelmed by pain, or unsure of our future.  But there’s a problem with THAT approach to life. If we wait till everything to turns out the way we want them to in our live - if we’re not going to be joyful until all the leaks are patched in our lives – then we’re NEVER going to experience joy. Or, if we do have joy, it will be a rare occurrence.

Sometimes we just need to move our focus in a new direction and I’d say the direction we need to move is toward the Divine. We need to move away from the leak.  If we have little or no joy in our lives, it could be due to a feeling of separation between God and us.  It could be because we’ve forgotten who we are.  It could be because we have forgotten there is a Power for Good in the Universe that is always working and always available and we are using it.  It could be because we’ve forgotten we are the darlings of the Divine.

It is time to remember the Truth:  The Power of Joy moves beyond our circumstances.

The Power of Joy helps move us into a state of peace, harmony, goodwill, abundance, dynamic attraction, self-love, vibrancy, and wholeness.  
            

The Life of God is in us – let’s be joyful.  The Love of God is in us – let’s be joyful.  The Power of God is in us – let’s be joyful.  The music and dance of God is in us, let’s be joyful.  The Laughter of God is in us, let’s be joyful. 

A Matter of Principle

Have you ever been in a group and felt like you just didn't belong? Have you felt like you were a fraud or a phoney and if people knew you, they'd realize you weren't good enough? Have you ever felt like you really didn't matter?

Just because we believe something, doesn't mean it's true; it may simply be a habit of thinking. And if we have a habit of thinking we don't matter, we end up diluting our joy, our happiness, our ability to engage fully in life, and our conscious connection with the Divine.

 

Who are you?  Are you simply a collection of memories?  Are you someone's family member?  Are you what you do for a living?  How many different ways do we describe oursevles by using the words, "I am.....?"  For me, I've commonly described myself in the following ways: I am a minister, I am a coach, I am a mother, I am not good at meeting people for the first time, I am a great speaker and story-teller, I am too fat, I am smart, I am not always likeable - - and the list could go on and on.

 

The problem comes when we think we are what we think we are. In his book "The Untethered Soul," Michael Singer tells us we've only ever had one problem and that is the voice in our head.  We believe our voice when it tells us we are less than, we are not good enough, we've been abused, we've lied, we don't deserve love, we have to earn love, we shouldn't trust, and we must never let ourselves be hurt.  When we believe that and we think we are that - it is easy to feel like a fraud or a phoney and to think we don't matter.

 

However, that is never the Truth and it never will be the Truth.  It is just an idea (and a limiting idea at that!)  You are not the experience, you are the one who is experiencing; you are not your thoughts, you are the one doing the thinking.  There is a big differnce.  In the first case, when we think we are what we experience, we can feel powerless and victimized and simply hope for the best. But when we realize we have the choice to change our way of thinking, we can observe our situation(s) and not be defined by them.  This choice leads to freedom.

The Sufi mystic Rumi wrote, "You were born with potential. You were born with goodness and truth. You were born with ideals and dreams. You were born with greatness. You were born with wings. You're not meant for crawling, so don't. You have wings. Learn to use them and fly. Know this truth about you." It's time to change our habits of thinking and realize we are good enough and we do matter!

Pursue Our Dreams or Settle for Less - The Decision is Ours

I was having dinner with a friend this week and the conversation turned to the many ways we seem to “settle” in life.  I mentioned that I was a “master” settler and was the inspiration for starting Prosperity Doctor. 

Through many years of teaching classes and coaching, the pattern emerged where women (especially women) are more than willing to subordinate their goals and desires in order to accommodate and please their spouses and children (can you tell I used to sell real estate?)  I know I did.

When we are so willing to abandon our own goals and desires in favor of supporting someone else’s goals and desires, we may feel as if we are being polite, being a good wife and mother, or being a good friend.  We don’t want to appear selfish or self-serving.  And then one day we wake up and realize we were living someone else’s life.  Have you ever felt this way?

This got me to thinking....

It all begins with choice.  The choice to say “yes” when you want to say “no” seems like a small choice at the time.  We want to be nice; we want to be cheerful; we want to get along.  What’s the big deal?  And then we find it was easy to say “yes” and pretty soon we are saying “yes” to nearly everything even though our insides want us to say “no.”

This seemingly small choice is not really small at all.  Every choice we make has consequences.  Some consequences are immediate.  For example, we may choose to attend an activity with a friend instead of taking time for ourselves.  We think the only consequence is putting someone else first – and that’s not so bad, right?  However, what if the long-term consequence of that action leads to a poor self-image and feelings of not being worthy?

So, when we make a choice to settle for less, either in a job or in a relationship or in not following our dream, the long-term consequences to our soul can be devastating.  Many men and women find themselves in jobs or in relationships which are not working and are desperate to find ways to fix the problem.   This desperation is not borne out of love, but out of fear of being unemployed or un-loved or alone.  Chances are, they’ve settled for less than what they really wanted.

But, here’s the rub.  When we settle (no matter what reasons we’ve given ourselves) we know we are settling.  We know we’ve compromised on our values or our dreams or our goals.  We become secretly mad or disappointed with ourselves.  This sort of internal negativity will ultimately lead us to sabotage our joy.  Living with a sense of self-betrayal is painful and we may unconsciously punish ourselves.

Sometimes this pain may lead to negative behavior such as anger, alcohol abuse, food addiction, depression, or apathy.  And this leads to more self-betrayal which leads to more negativity and perhaps more settling.  How do we overcome these patterns and learn to choose in ways that won’t lead to such self-sabotage?  We simply need to learn to distinguish between 3 things:

1. Learn to distinguish between settling and choosing.  When we settle, we are relinquishing responsibility.  We justify our choice to settle because of fear or some external pressure to comply.  We say, “I had no choice.”   However, when we step up and realize we always have a choice (even if it is scary to admit or even make that choice) we feel empowered and are able to reclaim some of our value.  Before settling for something, take a moment to determine if you fear making a choice or fear the consequences of that choice – there’s a big difference.  Whatever the consequences, they are easier to live with than the underlying self-betrayal of settling.
2. Learn to distinguish between your wants and your needs.  Often our wants are driven by pleasure and the avoidance of pain and discomfort.  We take the easy way out and the easy way may not shift our life in significant or meaningful ways.  Taking the easy way may lead to settling and being inauthentic.  Our needs may lead us to discover the hero’s path beneath our feet.  We may want a pair of shoes, but we may need to begin a journey; we may want to grab a quick meal but we may need to feed our soul.  Discover your needs and you’ll discover what really matters in your life.
3. Learn to distinguish between your internal mind chatter and your own inner genius.  I often say, “If the voice you hear is coming from within your own mind, it is probably wrong!”  Most of us have unruly minds that focus on fear, worry, negativity, and all the ways things could go wrong and why we aren’t the right person at the right time or the right place.  We listen and we struggle and we settle.  We need to stop that madness by asking ourselves if those ideas are actually true or just stories.  Our own inner genius waits patiently for recognition; not making a fuss it often goes ignored.  Refuse to ignore it any longer and tune into that part of you that isn’t frightened.  Find your talents and your passion and listen to what they are saying.  We only need to take one step at a time and the journey to choosing begins with that simple step.