Leaning into our Mistakes

Does how we approach our mistakes or failures determine our future success?

Sometimes when we’ve failed at something or made a mistake, we’d like a ‘do-over’ and make some corrections and start again. Other times, we don’t even want to acknowledge our mistake; maybe because it brings up shame or guilt. In those cases, we either try to blame someone else or we try and avoid thinking about it or even pretend it never happened.

When we [mistakenly] believe that mistakes and failures are shameful and need to be avoided at all costs, we aren’t open to learning from them. Instead, we are likely to confuse ‘making a mistake’ with ‘being a mistake.’  

"Failure does not mean the loss of something. Failure occurs only if the loss of that thing takes our enthusiasm, our courage, our zest for life, our faith, our conviction, and our happiness from us." ~Ernest Holmes

We must not let any past mistakes or failures stop us from pursuing our goals and dreams!

Is our self-confidence and belief in ourselves so delicate that it shatters in the

face of having made a mistake? Mistakes are the primary opportunity to learn and grow. There is probably no invention that was perfect the first time.

If we are learning to play baseball, do we expect to hit a ‘home run’ the first time at bat? And if we strike out, do we run into the dugout and refuse to pick up the bat again? Of course not. But we expect to be perfect in business and in our lives.

It’s time re-think our ideas about what a mistake is. The word itself spells it out: it is a mis-take. Just do ‘take 2’ and ‘take 3’ and ‘take 4’ – like in the movies. Assess what went well and what small adjustment needs to be made. Any mistakes or failures have no bearing on who we are or what our value is.

The fact that we are making mistakes is proof that we are making progress and moving forward.

I have spoken to a number of clients who have tried something once. labeled the results as a failure, and refused to try anything similar again. On top of that, many blamed and criticized themselves and were convinced their ideas and choices in the future couldn't be trusted. Their self-confidence was shattered, their dreams seemed unattainable, and their momentum came to a standstill. All because of one failure. And according to the quote from Ernest Holmes above, that standstill is the failure; not the failure itself.
 

In what areas are you afraid to move forward and try again? What mistakes have you made in the past that you are still holding yourself hostage for?

• Your children are in jail or are addicts
• You filed for bankruptcy
• Your house went into foreclosure
• You broke your promise
• The business you started failed
• You got fired from your job

Instead of hiding and feeling ashamed, guilty, resentful, or frustrated, use these mistakes as fuel for self-understanding and reflection. Learn from them. Make tweaks and try again.

If you’d like help in tweaking some of your ideas that didn’t work out in the past or to express your big desires and moving into your own genius, click here for a free Breakthough Session

CALL TO ACTION: In the next 24 – 48 hours (Reflect or journal)

• Think about a mistake (or two) you made in the past and ask yourself these questions:
• Did I have the right goal? Was I trying to solve the right problem?
• Do I have new information now that would have been useful or helpful then?
• What would I do differently this time?
• Was I acting out of a need to please someone else?
• Can I accept responsibility and move on?
• What did I learn about myself?

It’s time to say ‘yes’ to you!

Would you like to get crystal clear on what you want to embrace in your life and describe the kind of lifestyle you want to create? Would you like support in discovering how you can use your special gifts and talents to make a difference? Would you like to uncover hidden challenges that may be sabotaging you? Let’s have a Breakthrough session and we'll finish the call with you feeling renewed, re-energized, and inspired to start your Best Life EVER!

Schedule a complimentary Breakthrough Session

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I'm excited to hear the dream in your heart! Let's talk!

Until next time

Have some fun, stay aware, and rock on!

Janet Kingsley

About Janet
Janet Kingsley helps people believe in their own potential and transform their dreams into fulfilling, inspired, and prosperous realities.

She serves business owners and helps them make a bigger impact by reconnecting with their vision and passion and double, triple, or 10X their business without selling their soul or losing their mind.

I Can't Believe I Wrote That

Isn’t it time you listened to your own wisdom?
 
After my last blog entered my inbox and I actually read what I wrote, I was shocked and stupefied. I didn’t realize the mixed messages I’ve been putting out. My last blog said this: We get afraid when all we focus on is the outcome and the subtext is don’t focus on the outcome, but focus on smaller steps.
 
And in another previous blog I say this: It’s more productive to focus on one thing at a time and that subtext is also about not focusing on the outcome, but on smaller steps.
 
And yet, the Law of Attraction gurus tell us to focus on what we want and even on my Sunday morning talks, I’ll talk endlessly about keeping our focus on our desires.
 
So which is it? Do we focus on the small steps or do we focus on our desires?
 
Which expert do we listen to? Is there a ‘one-size-fits-all’ methodology to create the life of our dreams? No wonder we may be confused and confounded when the messages we read and hear aren’t consistent. And when we’re confused, what happens? Probably not much. 

Some people do get afraid when they focus on the outcome and others get inspired and motivated. Some people are more productive when they focus on one thing at a time and others get bogged down and overwhelmed by those day-to-day details but can easily move forward in the direction of the big picture.
 
You are an expert on YOU!
 
Would you like to guess where my focus has been most of my life? It has been on the smaller steps and not on the big picture. I mentioned in my last blog, I’m good at starting things and maybe that’s because I have a narrower focus. And yet, the juiciness and joy in those small steps come from the focus of the big picture, the goal, and the gloriousness of our desire. And sometimes I lose out on that juiciness because I forget to reconnect with my vision. And that’s why I have my own coach.
 
And like so many other choices, perhaps it’s not simply a matter of either/or. Maybe it’s not focus on the outcome or focus on the steps; maybe it’s focus on the outcome and focus on the steps. And sometimes we might need some help getting out of our own way and out of our comfort zone – and that’s where I can help.

If you’d like help in getting unstuck in either/or thinking, click here for a free Breakthough Session

Bottom line, don’t give up your own internal wisdom simply because someone else claims to be an expert. Trust yourself. Believe in yourself. And love yourself enough to change if your current way of thinking and behaving isn’t working out.

CALL TO ACTION: In the next 24 – 48 hours

• Determine if it is easier for you to focus on the outcome (the ultimate
  
  dream, the big picture) or if it is easier for you to focus on the smaller steps that start you in the direction of your ultimate dream. Once you know which one is easier for you, then
• Take some time in the next couple of days to consciously work on the other one.
• If you are a small-step focuser: Allow yourself to dream big and bask in the feeling and delight of your desired outcome. Write it down and enjoy the feeling of ‘having it.’
• If you are a big-picture focuser: See if you can get excited about one or two small steps you can take in the next day or two to bring that big idea into the more mundane tasks.

It's time to say 'yes' to the genius that you are. 
​
Would you like to get crystal clear on what you want to embrace in your life and describe the kind of lifestyle you want to create? Would you like support in discovering how you can use your special gifts and talents to make a difference? Would you like to uncover hidden challenges that may be sabotaging you? Let’s have a Breakthrough session and we'll finish the call with you feeling renewed, re-energized, and inspired to start your Best Life EVER!
 
Schedule a complimentary Breakthrough Session

About Janet
Janet Kingsley helps people believe in their own potential and transform their dreams into fulfilling, inspired, and prosperous realities.

Janet also works with business owners and helps them make a bigger impact by reconnecting with their vision and passion and double, triple, or 10X their business without selling their soul or losing their mind.

Number One Enemy of Success

What if this doesn't work?

Have you ever had an idea that got you excited? Have you wanted to combine your passion with your talent and take it to the world in some way? Maybe you plan and research; maybe you talk to your friends; maybe you even come up with a really cool name. And then it happens. The question: What if it doesn’t work? Somehow we forget to ask, “What if it DOES work?”
 
And let’s be honest for a minute. What if it doesn’t work? So what? It’s not the end of the world. But our rabid self talk will let us think it is absolutely the end of the world. We would be hard-pressed to find anyone who started something that worked every time.

We’ve all started relationships and seen them fail. We’ve been gung ho about a hobby only to let it go after years (or sometimes less). We’ve started new jobs, new hobbies, and new ways of eating. And sometimes we’ve stopped.
 
Did we stop because it didn’t work or because we didn’t have confidence? Did we stop because it didn’t work or because we lost interest? Did we stop because it didn’t work or because we found something else we liked better?
 
We get afraid when all we focus on is the outcome.
 
We get stuck in either/or thinking. Either I’m a millionaire or I’m not successful. Either I have a thriving business or I’m not successful. Either I’m a best-selling author or I’m not successful. Either I lose all the weight I need to or I’m not successful. Feel free to replace ‘I’m not successful’ with ‘I’m a failure’ or ‘I’m a loser’ (or your own personal favorite).

"You're not worthwhile because you have fulfilled your dreams. You're worthwhile because you exist. You're not enough because you have a good job. You're enough even if you haven't worked in thirteen years. You're not enough because you are loved by many people. You're enough even if nobody knows your name. You're not enough because your financial portfolio is enviable. You're enough even if you're dead broke. And becoming more successful doesn't make you enough, either. It only changes your experience. It doesn't change you." ~ Dr. David Walker

I’m good at starting things. 

I’ve started two churches, a Brownie Girl Scout Troop, three LLC businesses, a C-Corporation, a coaching business, and a real estate investing business. And I’ve fallen prey to the either/or mentality. Either these businesses and ideas succeeded or there was something wrong with me.
When I focused only on the outcome, all I saw were my flaws. I only saw all the ways I wasn’t good enough. I saw the ways my ideas failed to take hold. I saw all of my time and energy wasted on pipe dreams.

I never saw that I was a visionary. I never saw my confidence, strength, or courage. 

Where do you need help spotting your gifts, strengths, and courage?
                                                           
CALL TO ACTION: In the next 24 – 48 hours

• Keep a journal of small actions (yes, small) you can take daily and track when completed.
• Example 1: “Today, I’m going to listen to a TED Talk that inspires me.” When you complete it, come back to your journal, and write “Success.”
• Example 2: “Today, I’m going to compliment three people” and when you complete it, come back to your journal, and write, “Success.”
• For extra credit, list the activities in your journal that you started but didn’t turn out so well that you might still be telling negative stories about. Behind each of these, list what awesome quality was needed for you to even begin (confidence, courage, faith, compassion, trust, vision, etc.)

 
When you review your journal, all you see are the various ways that you are a success.
 
It’s time to say ‘yes’ to the success that you are.
 
Would you like to get crystal clear on what you want to embrace in your life and describe the kind of lifestyle you want to create? Would you like support in discovering how you can use your special gifts and talents to make a difference? Would you like to uncover hidden challenges that may be sabotaging you? Let’s have a Breakthrough session and we'll finish the call with you feeling renewed, re-energized, and inspired to start your Best Life EVER!

About Janet
Janet Kingsley helps people believe in their own potential and transform their dreams into fulfilling, inspired, and prosperous realities.

Janet also works with business owners and helps them make a bigger impact by reconnecting with their vision and passion and double, triple, or 10X their business without selling their soul or losing their mind.

To schedule a complimentary visit her website at: www.janetkingsley.com

Why is it so Hard to be Positive?

Are we hardwired for negativity?
 
Dr. Joe Dispenza writes in Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself, “Most of us live in the past and resist living in a new future. Why? The body is so habituated to memorizing the chemical records of our past experiences that it grows attached to these emotions. In a very real sense, we become addicted to those familiar feelings. So when we want to look to the future and dream of new vistas and bold landscapes in our not-too-distant reality, the body, whose currency is feelings, resists the sudden change in direction.”
 
And what are those familiar feelings? Guilt, resentment, self-doubt, stress, obligations, settling, failure, being misunderstood, avoiding risk, playing it safe, duty, missed opportunities – and the list goes on and on.
 
We long to experience joy and passion and purpose and we head in the direction that we think will take us there. And perhaps the first obstacle we encounter brings us right back to the idea and the memory of who we think we are.
 
Think about it for a minute.

• Is it easier to mull over hurt feelings than daydream about how you are appreciated?
• Is it easier to consider the times you’ve tried and didn’t succeed or to embrace a setback as a springboard for new ideas?
• Is it easier to list all the ways you’ve have to struggle, scrimp, or save financially or to be in gratitude for whatever amount is in your checkbook?

 
Let’s ‘blame’ evolution. In the world of our ancient ancestors, it was critical to their survival to react more strongly to negative experiences than to positive ones.
 
​Modern science tells us that negative stimuli triggers more neural activity in our brains.
 
Not only that, but ‘bad news’ is detected more quickly and easily! So, maybe we are hardwired for negativity. Or maybe not. Maybe it’s just easier and we’re a bit lazy. Maybe we have so much practice on noticing and feeling the negative that we haven’t developed our ‘positivity’ muscles. We are brilliant at playing the 'negativity' game.

We are masters at collecting evidence that points out our flaws:

• I'm not lovable
• I'm not worthy
• There's something wrong with me
• I never get the breaks
• No one understands me
• 
  

We are masters at avoiding our genius:

• we play it safe
• we don't make waves
• we hold our tongue instead of speaking our truth
• we hide our gifts
• we settle for anything

 
If you need some assistance and guidance in neutralizing this negativity bias, let’s talk.
 
CALL TO ACTION: In the next 24 – 48 hours

• Soak in the ‘good.’ Even if our positive experience is mild, don’t move on from it for 20 or 30 seconds. Stay with the good feeling. Bask in the warmth of it. Don’t just give it a small recognition (if we even bother to recognize it at all) and move on quickly. Soak it in.
• Divert negativity by working on something challenging. We can shake off negative emotions when our mental energy is on something challenging, like a memory game or puzzle.

Like anything of value, it takes commitment, practice, and consistency to transform mediocrity into greatness. And you can do it. Let me know how these ideas work out for you.

Would you like to get crystal clear on what you want to embrace in your life and describe the kind of lifestyle you want to create? Would you like support in uncovering how you can use your special gifts and talents to make a difference? Would you like to uncover hidden challenges that may be sabotaging you? Let’s have a Free Breakthrough Session and we'll finish the call with you feeling renewed, re-energized, and inspired to start your Best Life EVER!

About Janet
Janet Kingsley helps people believe in their own potential and transform their dreams into fulfilling, inspired, and prosperous realities.

Business Owners: Make a bigger impact by reconnecting with your vision and passion and double, triple, or 10X your business without selling your soul or losing your mind.

www.janetkingsley.com
https://www.facebook.com/Possibility.Doctor/